CONCERNED about Coronavirus? Maybe you shouldn’t be; new research by a Waterford man suggests that the majority of the country may have ‘already had’ the dreaded virus, and as such they’re now 100% fine and worried about nothing.
Garreth Hanlon, who has confirmed that he survived a ‘bad dose’ of the Coronavirus back in November of 2019, has advised everyone on his Facebook page to investigate their health over the last six months and question if they’ve had any of the symptoms of Covid-19; if so, they’re probably grand now. Still unsure? Here’s a few things to consider:
1-)Were you sick in the last 6 months?
Covid-19 was first recorded in China on the 17th of November, but according to our man in Waterford (who is backed up by a number of WhatsApp-based experts), it’s very possible you had it before this, and you just didn’t know it. That cough you had in October? The ‘bad dose’ you had around Christmas? It’s almost a certainty that this was Coronavirus, and you emerged grand out the other side of it. Simply put; if you think you had Coronavirus, you probably did. It’s just science.
2) Hold your breath for a while
Another popular test for Coronavirus; confirmed as 100% accurate by a screengrab posted on Facebook, is the breath test; if you can hold your breath for 30 seconds, then you’re not just free from the disease, you’re probably immune. The other test that the government are doing? That’s just a money-making racket for the pharmaceutical companies and the GPs who vote for FF and FG every election. What, you think the government aren’t in bed with the companies that make surgical masks?
3) If you think you’re okay, you’re probably okay
Look, you’re not an idiot. You know when you’re sick and you know when you’re not. You know if you’ve been exposed to a debilitating respiratory illness, and you know that if you were, you’d be able to shake it off with a day or two in bed. Long story short, that dose of the flu you got in early December was probably Coronavirus. You thought it was because you got drunk and had to wait for four hours for a taxi one rainy Saturday night, but nope; a virus made it’s way undetected all the way from the Wuhan province in China to Waterford, and infected you and only you. And now that you’ve had Coronavirus, you can’t get it again. Right? That’s how it works isn’t it? Well, we’ll find out soon. Now get out there and go visiting.