FOR some unknown reason, global multinationals like Apple, Google & Facebook have failed to make the Revenue’s latest list of tax defaulters for 2019 despite actively avoiding billions of euros in tax, WWN can confirm.
The tax defaulters list by Revenue, which names and shames struggling individuals and companies who owe tax, continued to ignore giant multinationals in favour of embarrassing those at the lower end of the revenue scale in the hopes of keeping everyone on their little toes.
“There’s no fun in bullying the big boys as they’re even too big for our boots to threaten,” a spokesperson for Revenue explained the situation, “and of course, we don’t want to scare them away either as they employ loads of people in Ireland, and that, to us, is the exact same as paying us billions of euros in tax, so stop whinging”.
Furthermore, high earning executives in multinational companies also failed to make the defaulters list, thanks to availing of revenue’s own Special Assignee Relief Programme (SARP), which sees 30% of income above €75,000 exempt from income tax while also availing of a €5,000-a-year tax free allowance for private school fees for each of their children.
“This is a great little haven… I mean country to do business in if you’re not from here and earn millions every year,” said US born CEO Todd Chamberson, who paid very little tax on his €3 million annual salary last year, before then changing his tune when he realised that same 5 year scheme is now over.
“Wait, what do you mean it’s over? So now I have to pay a normal rate of tax, like the great unwashed? Fuck that, I’m out of this fucking shithole”.
Meanwhile, some struggling local businessman you know happened to make the revenues tax defaulters’ list for failing to pay €20,000, giving you and everyone who knows him a little one up on him today, the cheating bastard.
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