So The Rugby Has Been Called Off: Here’s How You Can Be An Obnoxious Twat Now

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WITH next weekend’s Six Nations clash between Ireland and Italy looking doubtful as both the HSE and the IRFU assess the danger of the ongoing spread of Coronavirus in Italy, several Irish rugby fans are left with a massive hole in their ‘be an aggravating dose’ calendar.

But even if the Italy clash is rescheduled, you can still be super obnoxious around Dublin city on the 7th of March, simply follow these instructions:

1) Drink your Heino!

Guys, if you love watching the rugby while drinking a Heino with your boys, you can still do that next week even if the Italians have to stay home because they’ve got the sniffles. In fact, what sounds better than you, the lads, and a few cold beers in the park, or beside the canal. Don’t worry if it seems low class… it’s only low class when poor people do it. When rugby fans do it, it’s banter!

2) Get all loud on the Dart

Lord knows you only ever go on the poverty carriage when you’re heading to Lansdowne Road, the LR, the good ol’ Av-i-va. And while you won’t miss it if the game gets nixed, you will miss the banter. Again, when rugby fans do it, it’s banter. GAA, it’s culchie nonsense, soccer it’s loutish behaviour. So if you and the absolute lads want to get all lairy on the train next Saturday an hour before what would have been kick-off time, work away!

3) Just be you

Look, you’re a rugby fan. You get tears in your eyes when you hear Ireland’s Call. You’re pretty sure the woman up the road from you got pregnant on purpose so she could get a free house, and you really wish these poor people would stop pretending to fall down in Spar, driving your insurance premiums up. You don’t have to go to any special effort to be a twat just because your outlet has been taken away from you by all those stupid Italian people who didn’t have the God damn sense to not get the Coronavirus; you can just tap into your natural twatishness to get you through the day. Relax. Be you!

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