WITH the World Health Organisation battling to keep up with the increasing panic surrounding the Coronavirus, troubling reports from around the world suggest that the pathogen has already mutated into an even more deadly strain known as ‘Man-Coronavirus’.
The new variant on the virus is said to derive it’s name from the way it only affects males, and is said to be identical to the original Coronavirus in every way possible, except being ‘worse’, with patients requiring even more tender love and pampering during their illness.
With 106 people confirmed dead from the original Coronavirus, experts have stated that they’re stressed enough dealing with one outbreak, and have issued firm notification that they ‘don’t have time’ to be dealing with what they claim is ‘the same fucking disease’.
“Look, we’re very busy and we’re sure that these men are very sick, but there comes a time when they just have to be big boys” said a spokesperson for the WHO.
“We’ve got outbreaks being reported in more countries every day, a death toll that is challenging SARS, and more and more panicked people by the hour. We’re sorry you have Man-Coronavirus. We’re sure it’s much, much worse than Conronavirus and we’re sure that you’re the sickest person in like, the world. But just leave us be, play some PlayStation or something, and let us do our job”.
The World Health Organisation were later heard on the phone to their friends, stating that ‘honestly, we’ve had it up to fucking here with them, we really have’.