WWN Runs Through Sinn Féin’s Manifesto

WWN will be bringing expert analysis of every party manifesto as part of our 2020 general election. With the election campaign now in its 245th day, we look at Sinn Fein’s manifesto which was unveiled yesterday.

Is it a case of free money for everyone? Turbo communism with a dash of Celtic jerseys? Something that will give Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael voters sleepless nights? Let’s find out:

Stating their environment credentials the manifesto was printed on paper made from recycled 1916 proclamations.

Keen to do absolutely fuck all to convert Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael voters into Sinn Féin voters, the party has said it will tax second homes, land hoarding, multinationals and end tax breaks for the banks.

Sinn Féin’s manifesto is ‘fully costed’ which is a term used by all Irish political parties when referring to fact their sums don’t add up.

Has pledged to help Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael get the counselling they need so they can work through their obsession with the party.

Rival parties have all but given up trying to court the dole head vote after Sinn Féin confirmed if elected they would increase the dole by €42 a week.

As part of transport proposals the Mary Lou McDonald led party are committed to ensuring there is a Dublin to Belfast train every hour, which should aide those border region criminals who face driving bans after crashing JCBs into bank ATMs.

Tánaiste Simon Coveney labeled Sinn Féin’s manifesto ‘crazy stuff’ that would ‘ruin the economy’ which will certainly make the 230,000 children in Ireland living in poverty think twice before voting Sinn Féin.

Vowing to lower the pension age to 65 while also setting aside an IT budget to allow the party to delete from Wikipedia all mention of how Sinn Féin voted in favour of a rise in the pension age to 66 in Northern Ireland.

Like other major parties Sinn Féin has committed to building houses; 100,000 in total in the next 5 years. Like other major parties this pledge has an asterisk next to it which states ‘on Minecraft’.

The party slogan is “giving workers and families a break” which Fianna Fáil have pointed out is similar to an IRA slogan from the early 2000s which was ‘giving workers and families broken limbs if they don’t pay their debts’.

Sinn Féin included a pledge to hold a referendum on Irish unity within 5 years which isn’t enough for some hardline Irish republicans who want a poll held back in 1921.

They propose moving the border an inch further north every day under the coverage of darkness until such time it is pushed into the North Atlantic ocean.

Will roll out apprenticeship courses with special focus on sewing so they can pay someone to sew Aontu’s Paedar Tobin’s mouth shut.

The party is vowing to implement a 5% wealth tax on people with earnings over €140,000 per year which means a vote for Sinn Féin is a vote to wipe the smug look off the face of people you went to school with who have achieved significant financial success in life.

Proposal to abolish USC charge for those earning €30,000 should be worth a few extra sessions throughout the year.

Final promise to mismanage and crash the economy in new and different ways to Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil.