Maria Bailey Reinstated After Calling Migrants Scum

A DRAMATIC u-turn from the Fine Gael party has seen TD Maria Bailey, recently deselected from the party’s Dun Laoghaire election ticket, suddenly reinstated after making derogatory comments against migrants, travellers and whatever ethnic minority the party felt deserved it, in a bid to appease senior party officials.

“I just said fuck it, I’ll go down the Verona Murphy route and just racist my way back into the party,” Bailey explained the unorthodox move outside the Dáil earlier.

“Migrants are scum, refugees are ISIS, and travellers are a right bunch of shits too if that helps my case; whatever they want me to say, I’ll fucking say it,” she added, now putting her index and middle finger over her top lip like a mustache and erecting her other hand in a Nazi salute while doing a funny army march up and down Leinster House, shouting, ‘Heil Leo, heil Leo,’ over and over again.

Ms. Bailey’s forced comments are expected to save her from being ousted from the party after controversially launching a claim against a hotel after falling off a swing while holding two drinks in her hands, despite apparently not being injured.

“We realise now that with these new comments – Maria has strong Fine Gael values when it comes to deception and dividing social classes which is something very hard to find in normal, everyday human beings,” a spokesperson for the party said, “she has all the trademarks of a great future Taoiseach now that we’ve had time to think about it”.