Dublin Feuds: A Guide


THE key figures in the seemingly never-ending string of Dublin feuds may be ‘known to Gardaí’, but that doesn’t mean they’re known to you! With so many feuds going on at any given time, you’d be forgiven for not being up to speed on who’s shootin’ who. Here’s a quick recap to the main players:

1: The Whelan/Barnes feud

The notorious and bafflingly un-arrestable Whelan crime syndicate are knee deep in bodies over their ongoing feud with former Liverpool stalwart John Barnes, stemming from an incident at an airport in the mid-nineties where the left-winger was discourteous to Whelan clan chief Derek ‘The Possum’ Whelan. Be careful on any Dublin-Liverpool Ryanair flights, as the violence could ‘kick off’ at any time!

2: The Kirk-/D. Higins fracas

Gardaí have all but declared the Phoenix Park a ‘no-go zone’ as scalps continue to be taken in the stunningly violent feud between the Kirk drug cartel and current President of Ireland Michael ‘the D’ Higgins. Higgins recently took to social media to warn his enemies that he has ‘plenty of burying space’ in his back yard. Again, Gardaí are powerless to act due to lack of resources and abundance of gangster bodies.

3: Red line/Green line death pact

Despite cries for moderation and an end to the senseless killing, the red line Luas remains locked in a death spiral with the green line, with yet another dead carriage showing up in the city center earlier this week, with ‘Trams get whams’, spray painted on a nearby wall.

4: The Alan Donnetty, 41 Hillcry Drive, Dublin 25/Sean Og O’Mirriten, 18 West Sausage Street War

Again, despite having the names and addresses of all key players in this long-running Dublin feud that has claimed dozens of live, cops have very little to go on and as such are powerless to stop the bloodshed. If you have anything that could help in this case, please come forward. But like, quietly.