MetroLink Plans Cancelled In Favour Of TDs Reelection


THE SOUTHSIDE section of the MetroLink will no longer go ahead after some TDs realised their local constituents might not reelect them if their constituency is inconvenienced by the minimal construction needed to upgrade the green Luas line.

“We thought short and shallow about this,” confirmed Minister Eoghan Murphy, just one of the local TDs who thinks Dublin doesn’t need a long-delayed improvement to vital infrastructure as much as it needs Murphy reelected, and so drove objections to the project.

“They were going to close… a road!” cried one of Murphy’s constituents, speaking with the same intensity as someone recalling the horrors of a war.

Under previous plans the green Luas line would have had a cost effective upgrade with minimal disruption, allowing for longer carriages and increased capacity to match the growing numbers of people living along the Luas line.

“Thank heavens I intervened to save my own skin and prevented, what is it you call it, ‘progress’?” added another TD who fears the wrath of well-to-do 4×4 driving locals more than he cares about sensible transport planning for a growing capital city that is bursting at the seams amid a housing crisis.

In a bid to find a compromise that suits the reelection of all those TDs involved, Minister for Lack of Transport Shane Ross has proposed a horse drawn carriage system to replace the Southside leg of the MetroLink.