‘We’re Financially Ready For Brexit’, Insist Team Behind Children’s Hospital


FROM the crack team of politicians that brought you the €1.1 billion and counting overspend on the National Children’s Hospital comes the solemn and believable promise that in the event of a Hard Brexit, Ireland will be ready for anything, and in the most financially prudent way possible.

Tánaiste and Minister for Foreign Affairs Simon Coveney struck a reassuring note when he said hundreds of millions had already been spent on Hard Brexit planning but would be nothing like the mismanagement of the Children’s Hospital.

“Look, that’s not how systemic inter-departmental incompetence works. This is different from the hospital stuff, we’re ready and spending sensibly with loads of oversight,” confirmed Coveney as he signed a €12 million cheque for a pack of post-it notes and a few pens before being whisked away to explain Ireland to the British media again.

“Sure, we’re the same crowd that are overspending €1.1 billion on a hospital and when given the chance to press pause by the contractors on the project to reevaluate said ‘fuck it’ and insisted we overspend massively, but all the money we’re spending on making us Brexit ready is being well spent,” confirmed a spokesperson for the Department of Jesus Christ Whatever You Do, Don’t Mention The Children’s Hospital (DJCWYDDMTCH).

With less than 40 days until Brexit, the Irish government has become increasingly frustrated at the British government’s failure to make use of logic and listen sensibly to experts who are advising on a path of the fewest cock ups.

“Ha, I suppose it’s sort of the same frustration the Irish public feels when they see what we’re at with the Children’s Hospital. Bollocks, I shouldn’t have brought that into this,” confirmed the DJCWYDDMTCH spokesperson.