Trump Secures Funding For US-Mexico Hedge

US President Donald Trump has finally secured funding for his long-promised border hedge with Mexico, after securing almost $1.4bn from congress.

The agreement is set to avert a further shuttering of government services, following a month on shutdown at the start of the year as both sides of the house stood their ground on the controversial issue.

However, in yet another triumphant victory for the Republicans, President Trump took to a press conference to state that the planting of 3,145 miles of hedgerow would soon take place, exactly as promised.

“But Mr. President, you said that you’d be building a wall, not planting a hedge,” asked one journalist, before being dragged out of the room by the Secret Service.

“Mr. President, you asked for $6bn dollars, not $1.4 billion… why have you settled for so much less? Surely that won’t fund all the…” asked another, trailing off as powerful sedative made its way through her bloodstream.

“Any further questions?” asked Trump, to a sea of raised hands.

“Not about the hedge, we’ve already discussed that. I beat them, I beat everyone, I’m winning and I’m going to keep on winning. Now let’s stop talking about the powerful, wonderful hedge that we’re going to build. Let’s move on”.

A U-S-A chant began to break out in the back, driven mostly by Eric Trump and his kids.