Knowing Which Useless Opposition Party Is Right For You

HAVE you lost all faith in the mighty Fine Gael led minority government or have you been wise to their underhanded, under-performing and over-promising ways since the very start?

Either way you’re probably in the market for a new party to reluctantly vote for when it comes time for feeling completely disenfranchised again at the next general election.

A quick scan around the room at the opposition parties could lead a reasonable person to just give up on life on the very spot but don’t become completely disillusioned until you’ve ruled out all options.

Here’s how to know which useless opposition party is for you:

Fianna Fáil

Do you have the horn for abusive one-way relationships that could literally see your partner get away with actual murder?

It may be time to open your arms and except Fianna Fáil into life. Read the small print however as there is a 100% guarantee you will deeply regret this choice.

Labour

Do you enjoy saying one thing and then doing the complete opposite? You do? Labour might be the useless opposition party for you.

You could even hold hands while proclaiming every government policy a disgrace and an abomination, before stumbling back into government yourself to outdo everyone in the heartless cuts stakes.

Sinn Féin

Do you want to increase taxes on the richest in Irish society by 150% while increasing government spending by €14 trillion? We’ve found a disappointing opposition party match for you.

Note: just be prepared for everyone shouting ‘yeah, well look how that worked out for Venezuela’

Social Democrats

Looking to just piss off your parents? Step right up and proclaim ‘hey, these guys don’t seem so bad’ at the dinner table.

People Before Profit

But what happens to people after profit? This party is so one sided it’s not even funny. Clueless clowns with their heads in the clouds.

The People’s Front of the Liberation of The Freedom of Sons of Eire’s Socialist Weaponry

Ah no, these guys have some good ideas in fairness. Ireland would benefit from a good purge or two.