WHEN your adorable toddler looks like he or she is innocently being entertained by an LCD display being burned in their retina in the absence of your parenting, the truth may be far more sinister.
How to keep children safe online is a question more and more parents are asking themselves these days, and WWN Tech in conjunction with WWN Parenting and WWN Fearmongering have gathered together some telltale signs that your child may be unsafe online:
1) Increasing number of children under four years in Ireland are accidentally purchasing items on apps which are linked to their parents credit cards.
Remove your credit card details from any apps and save yourself and your children from untold suffering. In the most disturbing example of this one Lismore toddler purchased a shipment of guns and cocaine on the Dark Web, and used these items to start a turf war with a Lithuanian drug cartel, killing 14 people as the toddler consolidated his territory by agreeing to a truce with the Mexicans.
2) When your 5-year-old is using Tinder, are they wrapping their phone or internet-connected device in a condom? If not, I mean, c’mon, start parenting better for Christ sake!
3) Some children as young as 8 are involved in high profile online poker games with Chinese nationals. A sign that child might be unsafe online is when they go all in with their €200,000 despite clearly seeing all they’ve got is an Queen high pair of 3s.
Remind your children of the fact that the Chinese don’t fuck about, and if you end up owing them money, they’ll cut off your fingers without so much as blinking.
4) Online gaming should be fun, but perhaps your child is too young to be playing Call of Duty or Red Dead Redemption 2 in online mode. Here they can find themselves talking to anonymous adults online via headsets.
If you’re putting your ear to your child’s door and don’t hear them insulting other players online specifically calling other player’s mothers whores, it may be time to reduce their screentime.
It’s hardly safe for them online if they’re reluctant to call a stranger a ‘sniveling cunt’. Perhaps give it another year or two until they’re truly mature enough.