Irish Judge Walks Free After Failing To Jail Violent Criminal


THERE has been pronounced anger displayed among the Irish public this morning after news spread of a judge being allowed to walk free after gifting a violent criminal a suspended sentence, WWN can confirm.

Judge Ailbhe Cearton remained unshackled as she descended from her seat in court despite delivering an egregious attack on the concepts of law and justice.

Judge Cearton explained the judgement she handed down to a man found guilty of a violent sexual assault but her reasoning can be distilled down the simple sentiment of ‘ah who gives a fuck, sure it was only sexual assault’.

The victim of the unprovoked attack is believed to have joined the not-so-exclusive club of countless women who have sat in court to watch their attacker be found guilty only to see them handed a suspended sentence “cus sure doesn’t everyone lose the run of themselves now and again”.

Cearton will not be pursued by Garda for her part in failing to jail a violent criminal however, it is believed that as a judge she understands the law better than those with tiny brains expressing anger at the sentencing and therefore ‘you can get fucked for all I care’.

As is custom with judges post-failure to deliver a custodial sentence to a violent attacker, Judge Cearton will be placed back in the special bubble she lives in which is entirely free from the realities of daily life until the next sexual assault trial she is called to preside over.

Elsewhere, a violent criminal has proclaimed “holy fucking shit, how did I get away with that?” on the steps on the Criminal Courts after his barrister explained to the judge “he held a door open for an old lady once”, “he played a GAA match once” and “he’s learned his lesson, I mean there’s no evidence he has but sure what use would prison be?”