Zero Irish Historians Scrambling To Find Donald Trump Ancestry Link

BREAKING away from the regular fawning over US presidents, Irish historians and researchers have decided to simply not bother looking for an ancestral link for Donald Trump’s family to Ireland, for fear it might tarnish the nation’s reputation.

Previously linking African American president Barack Obama to a distant relative in Moneygall, Offaly, Irish historian Kevin Ryan said he will personally make sure all records will be kept under lock and key, until president Donald Trump’s Irish visit passes.

“Fuck that,” Ryan told WWN when asked why he and dozens more historians have refused to link the incoming
Leader of The Free World, “no seriously, just to make this clear: fuck that. There’s no fucking way we’re gonna connect those dots”.

“Sometimes an American president is just American, okay? So please, don’t bring this up again, for the sake of the nation,” he added, “did I say ‘fuck that’ already? Well, here’s another fuck that again there, just to be clear”.

Shortly after the White House confirmed on Friday that US president Donald Trump is to visit Ireland in November, airline ticket sales soared as Irish citizens booked some time away during his time here.

“I just don’t want the kids to remember his visit,” explained one parent who booked a week away in Antarctica, “hopefully they won’t get wind of it, it’s already going to be embarrassing trying to explain Donald Trump to the kids in years to come, so best keep them in the dark as long as we can – preserve their innocence”.