Is Daniel O’Donnell A Gateway Drug?

IT IS time for the authorities to seriously examine the possibility that country singer and all round nice guy Daniel O’Donnell is in fact a gateway drug, following the jailing of a woman tabloid and online publications have described as a ‘superfan’.

Jailed for seven years for her role in the operation of a cocaine factory, so-called super-mega-massive-humongous-gargantuan O’Donnell fan, Molly Sloylan, is believed to be just one of thousands of people radicalised by subliminal messages in O’Donnell’s music. However, we have to accept that the music isn’t the problem, it is the musician.

Sexy, alluring, with his intoxicating aura, when people meet O’Donnell they get excited, talk incredibly fast and generally act like embarrassing eejits; all the qualities you associate with cocaine use – it cannot be a coincidence, O’Donnell is a gateway drug to the harder stuff.

A spokesperson for the Donegal man denies all this, but, has any medical or chemical expert tested O’Donnell’s DNA to see if he is in fact, not human, but made entirely out of the drug? Is his very being 100% drug?

It’s hard to argue against this conclusion when we’re as keen as we are to link him to this sordid affair of one female criminal’s actions.

What are the guards doing about all this? Ha! Take a guess. That’s right, nothing! It’s high time the public were weaned off their addictive reliance on O’Donnell, we should be encouraging people to get clean of O’Donnell before they blink and suddenly they’re snorting cocaine up any orifice that isn’t being used for something else.

Just as we all know rap music causes violence, O’Donnell’s music causes people to take cocaine production and consumption. Join the fight against drugs and just say no to Daniel O’Donnell and his music.