Roses Resort To Armpit Farts After Poetry Banned From Talent Section

CONTESTANTS in this year’s Rose Of Tralee festival have spent today hurriedly learning a new talent to perform on the show following the banning of poetry recitals, with many Roses resorting to armpit farts, holding their breath for a really long time, and pretending that their thumb has been cut off.

Organisers of the Rose Of Tralee banned poetry readings after complaints that the recitals ‘slowed the pace of the show down’, after far too many Roses opted for the easy talent option at last years contest.

As such, contestants who were intending to rattle off a dozen lines about flowers or their mothers or how green the fair lands of Kerry are were left in hot water today, with many attempting to learn Irish dancing in the 12 remaining hours until showtime.

“Shadow puppets, how about I do a few fucking shadow puppets,” exclaimed one frantic Rose, attempting to contort her hand into the shape of a rabbit.

“Or I could perhaps just show them how one of my big toes is slightly bigger than the other? No? Maybe I’ll fly into town and buy a load of buns and just say I made them, how about that?

“This is bollocks, so it is. I had a great poem about the famine all lined up, and now I’ll have to do a fucking breakdance or something”.

Daith O’Se is said to be all ready for whatever the night throws up, as long as it makes him look like a big eejit at all times.