Revealed: Sinn Féin’s List Of Demands For The DUP

WITH the Northern Executive And Assembly still lying idle with no deal between the DUP and Sinn Féin forthcoming, many are starting to question just what exactly is going on in Stormont these days.

After the power-sharing executive collapsed amid the cash-for-ash scandal earlier this year, the North has been without a functioning government for nearly six months, and each deadline set for an agreement comes and goes without any sign of a deal.

As the threat of direct Westminster rule looms, WWN have gained a sneak peak at just exactly Sinn Féin need the DUP to ease up on in order to restore the Northern Assembly. Such as:

1) Some things the DUP will never ease up on

Would you look at that? Almost everything that Sinn Féin are standing firm on are things that the DUP has a history of being diametrically opposed to. The Irish language. Same-sex marriage. Marching season. Literally everything listed in the DUP handbook under the section ‘Nope, No Way, Never’. This may come as troubling news to any Northern Irish voter who hoped that the two parties could come to an agreement and stave of yet another general election, but unfortunately Sinn Féin are unwilling to budge on the very things that they know for a fact the DUP will not budge on either. Sinn Féin has assured the electorate that they’re doing their best to come to a deal with the DUP, but those crazy loyalist bastards just won’t budge. Dickheads. Don’t ever vote for them.

2) Ponies

Every member of Sinn Féin wants a pony. Stick your Northern Assembly up your Northern hole until they get them.