WWN Property: Buy A House Quick Before They’re All Gone!

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YOU HEARD the newspapers! House prices are rising faster than they’ve ever risen before (not counting back a few years ago, but nobody is interested in back then, just now), so get off your asses and buy a God damn house right now!

WWN Property can exclusively confirm that there’s only six, maybe seven houses left in the entire country, and when they’re gone, they are GONE! That doesn’t leave you much time to consider the life-long effects of a mortgage on you, your credit rating, your ability to borrow in the future, your ability to make repayments, or what the impact a country-wide rush to buy will have on the property market… all you have time to think of is how can you beat everyone else to the house of your dreams.

First, don’t shop around. Did you not hear that house prices are soaring as we speak? Simply find the nearest house that’s for sale and buy the fucking thing. If that means paying over the odds, so be it. If that means queuing overnight in a field that has a hoarding up saying ‘phase 1 starting soon’, then so be it. Every second you wait, houses go up by 437 euro. It’s your call.

Not sure you want to get sucked into the property game? Scared about what might happen if the country goes property crazy again, like it did a few years ago? Look, we’ve already told you; nobody cares about what happened ten years ago. It’s forgotten history, leave it in the past. All you have to decide is whether or not you want to buy a house. The clock is ticking! There goes another one! We’re down to six now! Oh shit, that apartment five miles outside Gort is gone too! Only five left! What are you going to do?

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