Socially Awkward Local Man Running Through Fake Conversation In His Head


A LOCAL man with a propensity to crash and burn in even the most straightforward of social scenarios, is currently running a fake conservation through his head on the way to a real version of the conversation, WWN can reveal.

Spotting someone he went to school with at a business networking event, Cian Kiernan immediately began to panic at the thoughts of having to potentially engage with his former schoolmate, and took to a nearby window to consult with himself in his head.

“Hi Al, it’s Cian. From school? Yeah, good, just working in Dublin there the past two years, no, no haven’t seen Tom in years. Yeah, thinking about London, but sure who knows, decent job at the minute. How’s your brother,” Cian said to himself in his head, racing through just one of the myriad conversation topics that could be hit upon where he to walk the 15 feet across the room to where former St. Gerard’s pupil Al Hornan was standing.

“But, what if he asks about something we’re not expecting? Fuck, how are we going to handle that,” Cian’s brain said, in just one of many intense flurries of disconnected and panicked thoughts.

Fully aware of his socially awkward tendencies, Cian made two steps toward Al before having second thoughts and randomly joining a conversation being conducted by people he did not know.

“Oh, you’ve really fucked us here Cian,” his brain added, now scrambling to re-calibrate and figure out how to converse with random strangers.

“Your one has a big nose, whatever you fucking do, don’t mention that, you know what we’re like,” his brain screeched, unable to handle what had transpired in the past 24 seconds, “stop staring at her fucking nose man,” his brain added.

“Ah, shit, shit, shit, shit, don’t look now, but Al is walking by us there now,” Cian’s brain told him, seconds before Cian looked directly at Al, making eye-contact before looking away quickly and pretending like it never happened.

It is believed Cian will spend much of the next 7 months replaying the brief and embarrassing moment over and over again in his head.