Trump Unleashes New Colossal Fuck Up To Distract From Comey Hearing


WHITE HOUSE STAFF were in the 14th hour of emergency meetings with US President Donald Trump as they pondered what new fuck up would be monumental enough to distract from the testimony before Congress of former FBI Director James Comey, which is currently ongoing.

Strapped and secured to his a chair, restricting his ability to gain control of his phone and tweet, Trump pleaded with press secretary Sean Spicer to free him despite instructing staff to keep him rooted to the chair regardless of how desperate and out of control he became.

As he suffered major tweet withdrawals and sweated profusely, Trump and his team recognised the need to come up with a new scandal or revelation that would instantly take all attention away from Comey’s account of the President’s attempts to end an investigation into his campaigns alleged ties to Russia.

“Bomb Iran. Yup, we just bomb Iran. Okay, get the generals on the phone,” Trump blurted out as his team agonised over hitting upon the perfect distraction as Comey continued to testify.

“For the 50th time Mr. President, that is not a good idea,” one aide explained to Trump, who had begun to shout out hashtags such was his now delirious state.

In desperate need of the perfect combination of a mindless and idiotic rambling that the US media are so enamoured by, Trump, almost speaking in tongues, hit upon the perfect inane shit storm that could help his cause.

“I can tweet about the Clooney twins. They’re half Lebanese right? I could call them terrorists? Twitter will explode. Quick my damn phone. That would give CNN like 67 hours worth of coverage that isn’t Comey, right? Oh but maybe I say I’d bomb the twins too, perfect,” Trump said to a wave of applause from White House staff.

It is thought Trump’s accusations against the newly born Clooney twins could turn all the media’s focus away from any comey revelations. However, if this failed Trump is willing to ‘accidentally blow up’ Mount Rushmore.