Trump Demands Burritos Be Renamed “Freedom Wraps”

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AS relations between the US and Mexico continue to crumble over the onerous issue of immigration and ‘the wall’, President Donald Trump has demanded that a range of Mexican foodstuffs be renamed to be ‘more patriotic’.

Taking example from the 2003 incident in which France opposed the US on the invasion of Iraq, leading to the White House cafeteria changing the names of french fries to ‘freedom fries’, Trump has decreed that burritos will now be known as ‘freedom wraps’, fajitas will be known as ‘freedom wraps’, quesadillas will be known as ‘freedom wraps’, and tacos will be known as ‘crunchy freedom wraps’.

As thousands of tex-mex restaurants prepared to change their description to just ‘tex’, Trump went on to denounce anyone who still refers to freedom wraps as ‘burritos’ to be ‘among the most unpatriotic, dangerous people in the country’.

“If the president says that they’re freedom wraps, then they’re freedom wraps. Period,” said White House press secretary Sean Spicer, drinking Gaviscon straight out of the bottle.

“Let’s just not question these things, okay? You can be one of two things; a red-blooded American enjoying a spicy, meat-and-cheese-filled freedom wrap, or a dirty flag-burning communist eating a burrito. Which would you like to be, eh? I thought so”.

Furthermore, Trump went on to declare that popular cartoon rodent Speedy Gonzales would be known as ‘Speedy Jones’ from now on.

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