7-Year-Old Takes Bigger Shits Than His Father

A COUNTY Waterford father has today admitted to being slightly jealous of his 8-year-old’s stools, stating they were far bigger than his own, despite him being physically larger and ingesting a lot more food than his son, Adam.

Gerry Moran, who wastes hours every day trying to make his son eat his dinner, said he doesn’t really know how he feels about the whole thing, as his stools aren’t even half the size of his sons.

“It’s not a subject you’d be bringing up with other parents,” Moran began, visibly upset, “He barely eats anything at all, but then when he takes a dump, he just leaves it there for the whole house to see, taunting us with its girth and general solidness; it’s a man shit if ever I saw one”.

Secretly measuring his son’s latest gift to Waterford’s sewage treatment centre with a caliper, Mr. Moron found that his son’s 40mm stool was almost twice that of his own, and even his wife’s.

“I always thought that was actually Gerry showcasing his turds in the toilet,” wife Jessica explains, “but when he admitted it wasn’t his, I was absolutely shocked and very disappointed in Gerry’s previous lame attempts,” adding, “I just need a little space to decipher it all”.

Following a visit to their GP, Jerry and Jessica Moran’s son Adam was given the all clear on any potential ailments, and advised the pair to eat healthier if they wanted to dominate the family toilet bowl.