Unions Urge Government To Plant Money Trees

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SIPTU President Jack O’Connor has insisted the government immediately begin a programme of money tree reforestation in order to honour his request that pay for workers be restored to pre-2008 crash levels.

As the country seeks improvement in basic infrastructure, investment in public services, the solution to the housing crisis among a handful of other pressing issues, O’Connor recognised the importance of money trees in order to achieve all objectives, specifically for his and other union members.

“Money trees, you know the ones, you plant them and they grow money. The fact I have to explain this to the government of the day is, frankly, embarrassing,” O’Connor explained, estimating some 400,000 money trees should do the trick.

Many Irish workers have suffered immensely under repeated cuts in wages and the introduction of stealth taxes coupled with the gradual increase in the cost of living, but the government remains resistant to any pay increases.

“We’re shite at gardening, being perfectly honest,” explained a government spokesperson, “we reckon them US tech firms probably have some seeds and know what to do, but lads, c’mon you know money trees only grow in certain areas of the country and for certain people. It’s very problematic,” concluded the spokesperson.

A previous Money Tree plantation programme carried out by Fianna Fáil was discontinued as it was discovered excessive watering led to rot in the roots.

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