Sam Allardyce Undergoes Surgery To Remove Palm From Face


NOW-FORMER England football manager Sam Allardyce is convalescing after a 9-hour surgical procedure which surgeons claim successfully removed Big Sam’s palm from his face.

Allardyce’s hand had become fused to his head following a stressful 24-hour period in which it was first revealed that he made embarrassing and controversial deals with reporters posing as investors, as part of The Daily Telegraph’s investigation into alleged corruption in English football.

Having been unable to remove his palm from his face for the entire day, Allardyce’s woes were compacted by the news that he had been fired from his position as England manager, just 67 days and one match after his appointment.

Finding that his hand was now welded entirely to his face, Allardyce was forced to undergo a painful medical procedure before his predicament became irreversible.

“We managed to get the job done, but it remains to be seen if it was a success,” said a doctor at the London hospital where Allardyce is still in an induced coma.

“He could just wake up and facepalm himself again and then we’d have to do the whole thing again. In fairness if I was Sam, I’d probably do the same myself”.

When asked if Allardyce would be able to return to managing football when his facepalm predicament healed, doctors were unable to stop laughing.