Roddy Doyle’s Aul Lads Treated For Alcoholism

TWO elderly Dublin gentlemen who were made famous by author Roddy Doyle have been admitted to a rehabilitation clinic in a bid to help them tackle their rampant alcoholism.

While the anonymous septuagenarians inspired Doyle to pen numerous sketches on his Facebook page over the past few years, the duo were secretly fighting the demon drink. At one point, it is estimated that they were drinking up to 500 pints of Guinness each per week, particularly during especially newsworthy months.

Although fighting their debilitating alcohol addiction, the aul lads managed to voice their opinions on the death of David Bowie, the death of Gene Wilder, the death of Lemmy, the death of Muhammed Ali, the death of Muamar Gadaffi, the death of the punt, the death of Superman, the death of a salesman, and the death of a once-novel idea.

“Conversation has certainly dried up between the aul lads since we surgically removed the pints from them” said Dr. Georgina Clarke, addiction specialist.

“Roddy came round to listen in on them, to see if he could get something for his Facebook page. He gave them a number of topics, about recently dead celebrities, atrocities around the world, sporting victories… but they just weren’t chatty without a good feed of drink inside themselves”.

With his muses on the dry, it is unclear where Doyle goes from here.