Heaven Missing A Record Number Of Angels, According To Local Creep


ESTIMATES on the number of angels missing from Heaven has been revised thanks to the hard work of one Waterford based creep, WWN has learned.

Nightclub veteran and single man Andy Corran has confirmed, with increasingly regularity, that Heaven is on high alert after an increased number of angels masquerading as women have been found in various locations across the Waterford area.

The women WWN spoke to confirmed that Corran, 30, would first ask ‘if it hurt’ before rattling off several self-assured quips designed to put the women at ease. However, WWN has learned that the conversation opener had the opposite effect.

“We appreciate Andy’s work in the area of angel identification, but it’s about time he stopped,” confirmed St. Peter, a Heaven spokesman.

Others close to Corran have alleged that the accountant has little real interest in the plight of angels torn from their home within the pearly gates and in fact merely struggles to communicate to fellow singletons that he too fears he will die alone and that it’s about time he settled down with someone.

“We’ve told him to cut it out with the creepy chat up lines, but despite having a 100% failure rate he’s sticking to it,” friend of the creep, Martin Drunney, told WWN.