Microsoft Bid $26 Billion For World’s Biggest Collection Of Exaggerated CVs


TECH giant Microsoft has shaken up the business world by putting in a $26 billion bid for business networking site LinkedIn.

If Microsoft’s bid is successful, and the takeover is approved, they will have succeeded in their attempts to buy the world’s largest collection of fabricated and exaggerated CVs.

“We’re looking for ideas when it comes to overselling ourselves and under delivering and we think we might find the perfect way of doing that by sifting through some bullshitter salesman’s LinkedIn profile,” confirmed a spokesperson for Microsoft Zabine Blanc.

LinkedIn’s website is believed to be the leading online host of fanciful aggrandisements, and loose definitions of things like experience and capabilities.

“You can’t put a price on being able to look through so many soulless profile pictures and then get a good laugh out of how people can turn the most modest achievements into sounding far more important than discovering a cure to cancer,” Blanc added, before admitting that at this point Microsoft has too much money and hasn’t got the first clue what to do with it.

“We paid someone to make the world’s largest bouncy castle last week, no idea why. But if we didn’t, the cash reserves would just be sitting in the bank”.