Syringes, Used Condoms, Empty Vodka Bottles, Blood: Inside The 61 Day Session At Leinster House

AFTER two months without a government, following one of the most diverse general elections in decades, Leinster House is now a shadow of its former self, with a clean-up operation costing well into the millions of euros. We get an access-all-areas look at the damage caused by unruly politicians under a caretaker government.

Once decorated with the finest of leather seating, oak chairs and priceless artwork, the Leinster House main entrance now resembles something from a horror movie. A week after the election results were announced, politicians wasted no time in selling everything inside the building to fund a 50 day drink and drug bender.

A closer inspection revealed various drug paraphernalia, including: syringes, burnt tinfoil, empty rizla packets and in some area there was human blood smeared on the walls. Local drug addicts were even disgusted at the damage caused by partying politicians.

Walking down the hall we found a man in a comatosed state lying on bags of rubbish listening to drum and bass music, who later turned out to be former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern. He told us he had been there for the past couple of weeks, but couldn’t find his way out. When asked if we could help, he insisted that he was alright now, and didn’t mind just lying there until the cleaning crew arrived to tidy up the mess. We emptied a white container full of urine he was using, as he didn’t seem capable of doing it himself.

Not only were most of the government meeting rooms trashed beyond recognition, they also managed to destroy several ceilings throughout Leinster House. Engineers estimate the cleanup cost of the session to be over 10mn at first glance, but that could rise to 100 million, because Ireland.

In fairness to the politicians involved, they did manage to keep the Dail main chamber free from any littering or damage. Proceedings had to be stopped several times to tell those partying out the back to turn down the music. It is understood the mental health debate this week was the last night of the party, with many politicians still recovering at home.