Food Safety Authority Shuts Down Nando’s For Failing To Adhere To New Cheeky Guidelines


THE country’s Nando’s restaurants have all been ordered to close their doors by the Food Safety Authority (FSA) after failing a routine cheeky check up.

“We’d warned them countless times, chicken shouldn’t be that cheeky. Yet our social media monitoring team was inundated with a barrage of people reporting that they were going for a cheeky Nandos,” FSA spokesman Harold Farrell told WWN.

Nando’s, the restaurant chain beloved by footballers, Z list celebrities and people unaware that there are nicer restaurants elsewhere, has grown in stature in recent years thanks to its promise of providing patrons with cheeky meals.

“Cheeky meals don’t adhere to the normal food safety criteria, we’ve yet to receive data from Nando’s which explains what makes the chicken so cheeky and so we’ve had to act in the public’s interest,” Farrell added.

The closure is expected to hit a large number of teenagers going on first dates, and boisterous groups of men who have just mastered the art of using a knife and fork.

“Nando’s were well aware of our new guidelines when it came to cheekiness, and once they’ve addressed outstanding issues, we’re happy to let people waste their money there again,” Farrell concluded.