Local Man Irons Shirt All By Himself

“IT’S when I got to the second sleeve and I hadn’t set the thing on fire, that’s when I thought ‘holy shit, I’m actually doing this'”.

Local man Ryan Killanney spoke this morning about his jubilation at having ironed his shirt all by himself, after realising that he didn’t have a clean one, relegating himself to one just in off the line.

Locating the iron and the ironing board, plugging the iron in, running the iron over the shirt until it was smooth and crease-free, the 31-year-old Killanney left no ironing stone unturned as he pulled off what he has described as “one of Mankind’s greatest achievements”.

“Seriously, the front, the back, the sleeves, I did it all myself,” said a clearly ecstatic Killanney.

“Look at it – wouldn’t you think my mam had done that? I’ve worn shirts to weddings that weren’t as smooth as this one. It just came to me intuitively, so it did. I knew to leave all the buttons and dials the fuck alone, and just let the iron do the work”.

Killanney went on to announce his retirement from the world of ironing, claiming that he has peaked and that there’s no sense in risking his legacy by attempting to iron a second shirt.