Abortion Referendum Postponed Until Never

ANY hint or chance of a referendum on abortion has been postponed indefinitely following the election of countless socially conservative candidates from parties who don’t want to rock the boat on the highly emotive and contentious issue of telling women what to do with their bodies.

The Irish Commission On Things We Don’t Talk About (ICOTWDTA) confirmed that after the outcome of the 2016 general election, it seemed incredibly unlikely that a referendum on abortion would be held in the next 10 years.

The ICOTWDTA, the State appointed board which was set up in the 1970s to combat any meaningful discussion on issues such as suicide, abortion, mental health, abuse, poverty, the separation of Church and State, homelessness and LGBT rights has confirmed that due to Labour’s decimation at the polls, no remaining party has any desire to make repealing the 8th amendment a key issue going forward.

“Yeah, there was a lot of talk about how people are pro-choice but then they sort of went out and voted for parties that really, really, really, really don’t want to do anything about it,” confirmed ICOTWDTA’s head of stating the obvious Rebecca Lally.

“But, if women who have just been told their child will not survive outside the womb are really patient, we’ll potentially start talking about this again in about 10 year’s time, so the election outcome isn’t all bad really,” Lally confirmed.

Voting patterns around the country which have seen socially conservative candidates and parties either gain or regain seats are believed to have brought great comfort to rural men over the age of 65 who don’t trust women at all at all.