Tense Standoff Ends As Oregon Militia Return Home To Fuck Their Sisters


JUST a few short days after seizing a federal building in Oregon, USA, an armed militia has stood down after realising that they would be unable to have sex with their family members while the siege continued.

The group had been occupying part of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, after exploiting a loophole in the American justice system which states that law enforcement officers are not allowed to use force against people clad in body armour carrying machine guns who storm a federal building in the event of those people being white.

Claiming to be protesting against the sentencing of a pair of ranchers convicted of poaching and arson, the group has been represented in interviews by well known anti-government activist Ammon Bundy, who cannot be called a terrorist for reasons that are currently unclear.

Although the group claimed to be willing to stay entrenched for as long as was needed to have their demands met, many of the 150-strong militia began to file out of the government building after an agonising two days of not banging their sisters.

“It is our constitutional right as white Americans to walk around carrying automatic weapons and seize buildings in an attempt to force our ideology across,” said one protester, possibly called Chuck.

“With that being said, I haven’t had me a piece of my sister in almost two days, so I’m off home. Take care, God bless America, and watch out for them Muslim bastards while you’re at it”.

It is believed that the last of the holdouts will have cleared out by nightfall, and will be enjoying some well-earned sister sex as soon as they’ve had a nice hot squirrel dinner.