Government Plans To Raise Ireland By 500 Meters To Avoid Future Flooding

THE Irish Government has announced a massive €456bn project to raise the island of Ireland by as much as 500 meters above sea level to avoid future flooding.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny proposed the elevation of the entire country at an emergency meeting held at Leinster house this morning, which was later passed by TDs in a comfortable majority vote.

The project, which is expected to be finished by December 2016, will see all 26 counties raised by almost half a kilometre using a groundbreaking new inflation system that will elevate the landmass to the desired height, before then filling the 500 meter void underneath with a new waterproof foundation.

“This procedure should guarantee our citizens future safety when it comes to global warming and the rise in sea-levels,” Taoiseach Enda Kenny insured. “Obviously there will be a bit of a drop down to the six counties in the North, but we have a cable car system to put in place there for the time being.”

The news comes after Minister of State with responsibility for the Office of Public Works Simon Harris reported that the cost of the cleanup after recent flooding will be more than €8 million and defended the cost of the €456bn project, stating it would pay off in the long run.

“It’s just common sense,” Mr. Harris explained. “It’s either live in a submarine or a boat. I know which one I’d rather”.