Enda Kenny Has Brass Neck Insured For €5m


SOURCES close to Enda Kenny have revealed details of a multi-million euro insurance policy taken out by the Taoiseach to protect his most valuable asset, his brass neck.

Following in the footsteps of stars such as Taylor Swift, who insured her legs for $30 million, and Jennifer Lopez’s $27 million policy to protect her butt, Enda took out a policy valuing his neck at €5 million, payable should his neck ever fail him while dealing with members of the public.

Widely regarded as the Taoiseach’s primary weapon when spinning half-truths and outright lies, Kenny’s neck has helped him survive several political storms as well as changes in Government policy and row-backs on electoral promises.

The neck, believed by many to be 100% pure brass, has given the Fine Gael leader the confidence to not only pretend to be taking a hard line on EU rulings, but to also openly criticise opposition TDs for doing things that he does himself.

“If anything ever happened to that neck, Kenny would be in serious trouble,” said Ian Keenan, insurance broker.

“So he’s quite right to get it insured, so that he has something to fall back on. The policy will pay out if Enda ever finds himself caught for a way out of a tricky situation such as someone confronting him about Fine Gael reneging on their promises, or if he ever fails to reply to an angry protestor in a condescending, demeaning way”.

The €5 million policy is among the highest in the Dáil, topped only by Gerry Adams’s €6 million beard protection scheme.