Bill Cosby Trial To Fill Oscar Pistorius Shaped Hole In Media’s Heart
A ONCE lovelorn media has today felt the first pangs of palpable erotic feelings for a trial involving a famous person since the conclusion of last year’s trial of Oscar Pistorius left a hole in their aching hearts.
Heartbroken by the trial’s conclusion last year, the media never thought it could feel the same butterflies in its stomach for a celebrity fronted court case, but are tentatively optimistic about Bill Cosby’s upcoming trial and how it might just fill that void.
“You never think you’ll find another sordid detail-ridden trial to truly obsess over and develop feelings for, yet here I am,” said one emotional journalist, dabbing his dry tear ducts with a tissue.
Entertainer Cosby is awaiting trial in America facing charges of sexual assault, and has been in the spotlight after a legion of rape accusations.
“I might be speaking too soon, but I think I might love raking over the misery of rape victims more than that of a murder victim,” Hannah Morley, a tabloid journalist told WWN before becoming visibly aroused.
“I’m actually too erect to masturbate, this hasn’t happened since I hacked the phones of some murder victims,” Morley’s colleague Dan Spratt added.
Sky News has already confirmed it will cover the trial 28 hours a day once it commences, forcing all other news aside throughout its duration.