Glastonbury Now Smellable From Space


AS the dawn breaks across the grounds of Glastonbury this morning following this year’s festival, scientists have confirmed that the odour emitting from the Somerset site can be detected from the upper edges of the Earth’s atmosphere.

The five day festival, which saw 177,000 people descend on the 1,000 acre site, was headlined on Sunday by aging rock dinosaurs The Who.

Although the weather remained sunnier than previous years, the land soon became mashed into a stew of mud and spilled drink, with the thousands of portaloos working around the clock to deal with the droves of revellers.

By late on Sunday, the mixture of unwashed festival-goers and falafel had combined it with generous helpings of cannabis smoke, creating a dense olfactory fog above the Pyramid stage, which could be detected for miles away.

A custom-made weather balloon launched by the meteorological association to monitor the stink confirmed this morning that the thick stench of B.O and rubbish had created a column of smells that could be detected in space.

“If Felix Baumgartner stepped out of his capsule to do his jump today, he’d wonder what the smell was,” said Kirk Arkinson, spokesperson for the British Met office.

“We’re talking a smell of farts and matted hair for 130,000 feet straight up. We’re hoping that the gasses disperse harmlessly into the atmosphere, but if the wind changes, then the west coast of France is going to stink for a month”.

Arkinson went on to state that the scale of the smell had been exacerbated by rap mogul Kanye West, who stank up the place with his headline performance on Saturday night.