Nationwide Candle Shortage Announced As Parents Light Up For Leaving Cert

RETAILERS across the country are struggling to cope with the increased demand for candles as fretful mothers across the country panic-buy the product for this year’s Leaving Certificate examinations.

With thousands of pupils sitting down to English paper 1, mothers nationwide have begun their annual ritual of lighting a candle in a bid to get a good word in with God, who is known to hand out easy questions and bonus knowledge to teenagers in exchange for that flickering light in a window.

The surge in demand for candles has stretched candle-makers in recent days, as parents rushed to buy as many as possible amid fears that their kids had done little-to-no study all year and wouldn’t get enough points to do teaching in St. Pats.

Churches have recorded huge increases in profits too, with some parents paying as much as 20c per candle in chapels across the country.

“We’re waiting for a shipment to come in from Britain, hopefully in time for Irish paper 2,” said Ian Shannon, spokesperson for the Candlemakers Association of Ireland.”There has just been so much demand from worried mothers that some of them are lighting one candle per window, per exam.

“Some parents have resorted to lighting expensive scented Yankee Candles, despite the fact that these have no sway on exam results at all,” he warned.

Amid the chaos, spokespeople for the firefighting association of Ireland have issued appeals for increased fire safety, after an unattended candle lit for a Mayo student who hasn’t studied all year caused a massive blaze which engulfed a housing estate in Westport, killing nine.