Man Throws Himself In Front Of Car To Avoid Awkward Chit-Chat With Old Boss
AMBULANCES were on the scene this morning at what is believed to the latest in a series of incidents caused by grave social anxiety.
According to an eyewitness on the scene earlier today, Waterford man Terry Giles ran out in front of oncoming traffic in an effort to avoid even the smallest bit of horrifically awkward chit chat with his former boss Cathal Gaines.
“We were just about to head into the office and myself and Terry heard his name being called out,” explained coworker and friend of Terry’s Ben O’Neill, “Terry looked around and then he muttered ‘ah no fucking way’, I saw some guy waving and smiling who was making his way over to us from across the road”.
“Next thing I know Terry was jumping out in front of the traffic like he meant to do it or something,” Ben added.
Paramedics were on the scene within minutes tending to Terry, who sustained 6 broken ribs, a broken leg and broken jaw and cheekbone, but in an exclusive interview he maintains it was the best decision available to him.
“Thank Christ, the idea of making small talk with him would kill me.” Terry said in between coughing up blood. “Nothing in life is more excruciating than sharing a conversation about ‘what are ya up to now?’ with someone I don’t care about who is just being polite and that I know couldn’t give a shite about me in all honesty,” Terry added as his injuries, which will lead to months of rehab, were being assessed in St. Vincent’s hospital in Dublin.
It is believed as many as 30 similar incidents in the recent weeks can be linked to people’s profound distaste for engaging in any surprise encounters with people they are somewhat familiar with.
“From a public safety point of view I really think other options could have to be looked at,” explained Dr. Henry Hooley, who treated Terry upon his arrival at St. Vincent’s.
“I would urge people to perhaps pretend they are someone else when they are greeted by someone, brush up on your comical French or German accents, or better yet arch your index finger over your top lip as if giving the effect of having a moustache, chances are this is better than nearly killing yourself just to avoid the small talk,” added Dr. Hooley.