Jesus Distancing Himself From Drogheda Printers
A PRINTING company in Drogheda who refused to print invitations for a gay couple’s civil partnership ceremony have today been given the cold shoulder by Jesus of Nazereth in a scathing new interview.
The 2015-year-old told WWN he did not support the move by Beulah Print, who claim to represent him and his father, stating he would never agree to such a move.
“First of all: that would be a terrible PR move on our part,” said the only son of God. “Neither I, or anyone affiliated with my beliefs, would advise this blatant homophobia under God’s name. Sure, Dad created the two lads anyway. Why would he give a toss?”
Jonathon Brennan, who is due to wed his partner of eight years, John Kierans, said he was refused by the printers for the first time yesterday afternoon.
“I’ve been dealing with them for years,” he said. “But when it came to my wedding invitation, they told me that they didn’t believe in same sex civil partnerships and homosexuality as they are ‘devoted Christians’”
Speaking from his luxury €34mn Shard apartment in London, Mr. Christ reached out to both men, stating that as Christians, the printing company should remember to love thy neighbour as themselves, and not be making their own interpretations of the word of God.
“You see, that’s the problem with books; everyone interprets them differently,” Jesus explained. “Look what happened when Mohammed tried it – a fucking disaster man”.
“I told Dad that getting Peter and the lads to ghostwrite an autobiography was a terrible idea. Now the whole world is getting it wrong,” he added, while shooing a pedicurist who was working on his bunions. “It’s enough to make me want to go public again”.
This is the word of the Lord.