Portal To Hell Opens Up In Temple Bar


EXPERTS in the field of both science and religion have confirmed that the eerie ring of fire found in popular Dublin tourist destination Temple Bar is indeed a portal to the gates of Hell.

The portal, a direct link between the capital cities of Dublin, Ireland, and Pandemonium, Hell, was discovered on Saturday night by an off-duty barista, who noticed that one of the many puddles of vomit found in Temple Bar was in fact flowing uphill. Following the curious flow of bile, the man found that it was being joined by streams of urine and blood before it met a roaring hellmouth in the cobblestoned street, just off the main square.

A team of scientists and archbishops examined the ethereal doorway to the palace of Lucifer, which is wreathed in flames with snarling demons lunging their clawed limbs at passers-by, and confirmed that not only was it a passageway to the underworld, but that it may have been in Temple Bar for many years before being discovered.

“Initially, I couldn’t believe that a gateway to hell could go undiscovered in such a heavily trafficked location,” said Arch Bishop Martin Shields, chief spokesperson for the Vatican’s paranormal team.

“However, after spending an afternoon in Temple bar, I can see why people didn’t notice it. In fact, after an hour of watching obnoxious people get drunk on nine euro pints before falling around between over-priced restaurants and lap-dancing clubs, I kinda forgot it was there myself”.

In keeping with Dante’s Inferno, Temple Bar has been officially recognised as the tenth circle of Hell. Guided tours of the Portal have already begun, with one Hen Party from Newcastle already consumed by a pillar of fire after wandering too close following their 6th round of Jager Bombs.