Latest Major Scientific Breakthrough Bumped From Front Page For Picture Of A Kardashian

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IN what is said to be a damning indictment of the scientific community, the latest major breakthrough in scientific research has failed to reach the front pages of most newspapers and media outlets.

Researchers at Harvard University in America have found an instantaneous cure for Aids, Alzheimers and Cancer while also conclusively providing the true meaning of life.

However, these underwhelming breakthroughs have been overshadowed in the media by a picture of a Kardashian, who was deemed more news worthy then discoveries which will save billions of lives.

“You’ve got to ask yourself if curing AIDS, cancer and Alzheimer’s was that big of a deal, it would be on the front page, it just would but it’s not, so science people should stop moaning,” explained internet and Facebook statuses expert Killian Lambert.

Researchers at Harvard pointed out that they had also discovered a way to produce harmless, but vital renewable fuels while also solving all water shortages in the third world, yet it seems a picture of a Kardashian in a dress which draws the eye of the viewer to the arse area has pipped these discoveries to the post.

Editors explained that these breakthroughs were not ‘sexy’ enough to make the front page, but refused to be drawn on why key discoveries in science need to be arousing.

“We’ve only ourselves to blame,” explained head researcher at Harvard Gregory Jones, “we also found the key to eternal life and finally figured out how to eliminate all diseases but I suppose in retrospect it’s hardly as important as that Kardashian arse”.

It is believed the Kardashian, who graced the cover of most magazines and newspapers in the Western world was launching a line of toe nail clippers which were pink and had the letter K on them.

“I was a little angry at first, but now that I see what they were launching I understand the editorial decision,” added Gregory.

Following a PR consultation the scientific community will give all future life-changing, human race-defining discoveries names like ‘celeb sex tape’, ‘who has put on a few pounds?’, ‘brand new Breaking Bad episodes announced’ and ‘which star is rumoured to be moving to Real Madrid’.

 

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