Best Man Speech Now Entering Its Second Horrific Hour
WHAT was meant to be Gillian and Michael Morgan’s special day has now taken a worrying and excruciating turn as best man Enda Brady’s speech has entered a second horrific hour.
Close to 200 guests at the luxurious Carton House hotel are slowly losing the will to live as Enda ‘The Beast’ Brady continues to regale guests with ‘epic’ tales of the good old days.
“The first five minutes were grand, it had all the classic elements of a great speech,” shared concerned wedding guest Shelia Flannery, “he obviously looked up ‘beautiful’ in a thesaurus and then chucked all those words in the direction of Gillian. Said the mothers looked great even though they didn’t, but he lost me when he started crying”.
The goodwill of guests towards an understandably nervous Enda quickly evaporated after his second costume change and third ‘special video’ which was essentially a compilation of all the times he had accompanied the groom in vomiting on a night out.
After stating his clear desire that someone film his speech for the tenth time with the sentence ‘Ah, whatever you do lads don’t put this up on YouTube, don’t send it to any banter websites honestly’, Enda then expertly ignored the father of the bridge as he shouted ‘fucking shut up now’.
“I started looking towards the exit signs when he launched into that 20 minute section about his bloody girlfriend, but sure haven’t the fuckers bolted the doors shut,” explained a worried Darragh Hughes.
Enda remained focused as he began his sixteenth story dedicated to Michael’s drunken nights out despite one wedding guest jumping on a table, ripping his shirt off and screaming ‘whose fucking idea was it to have the speeches before we get the food? I’m fucking famished’.
As the time of writing Enda had just launched into several magic tricks while telling a hilarious anecdote about how, when in Thailand last year, he accidentally had a threesome with Michael and a Thai lady boy.