ISIS Make Record Bid For Afghan Goat Farmer As Terrorist Transfer Window Closes
IN A BID to further bolster their reign of terror in Northern Iraq, militant group ISIS have put forth a record-breaking bid for an 18-year-old goat farmer from Afghanistan, in hopes that the young terrorist will help strengthen their fight against the infidel as the 2014/2015 insurgency campaign heats up.
Abdul-Ahad Gholam, from the Helmand province in south Afghanistan, is currently signed to the Taliban following his stunning debut in 2012 when he showed his aptitude at both improvised explosives and shooting at civilians from a moving car.
His dyed-in-the-wool hatred of Western civilisation and leagues of relatives dead at the hands of occupying forces have pushed the youngster to the peak of his abilities, which has put him on the radar of terror networks all across the Middle East who are eager to sign new talent before the terrorism transfer window closes.
“Gholam would make a great addition to our attacking line as we push further across Iraq this year,” said Al-Ek Ghabdadi, chief talent scout for Islamic State.
“We’ve got a strong defence, but we feel we need more attacking people up the front. We have recruited people from all across Europe, including the UK, to help us in our righteous fight in Syria, but in Iraq, we need someone like Gholam to bring their expertise in IEDs to our front line”.
So desperate are the jihadists to land the highly sought after Wunderkind, Ghabdadi went on to reveal that the proposed transfer fee may shatter the previous record.
“We’re offering him 97 virgins in Heaven,” said the hook-footed, no-eyed talent scout.
“This is far in excess of the 72 virgins normally offered to those who die for our cause, and beats the previous 83 virgin record which Al-Qaeda gave when they signed their foremost hostage beheader from Saudi Arabia in 2009. We’re also offering him extensive help to maintain his 13-strong herd of goats while he is on duty with us”.
If signed, Gholam will have to undergo a medical but should be declared terror fit in time for next weeks push against the remainder of Kurdish forces in Fallujah.