Irish Electorate To Contract Ukrainian Protesters


Dramatic news emanating from the Nation’s capital today as reports of plane loads of Ukrainian protesters being flown into the country to protest the coalition government here in Ireland.

WWN can exclusively reveal that a substantial number of Irish voters have begun an attempt to pay Ukrainian citizens to protest on their behalf, here in Ireland.

Many unions and pressure groups have mobilised their members with a view to carrying out various protests at the continuing of austerity measures implemented by the government.

WWN has learned that while this civil disharmony continues to gather apace a significant number of these pressure groups are seeking to pay Ukrainian citizens to protest on behalf of the apathetic Irish public.

The head of one such group, Peter Lamb, maintains that while it seems perhaps foolhardy it is the necessary step to take.

“As everyone knows these days you could kill an Irishman’s wife in front of him and he’ll do no more than ring into Joe Duffy for a quick moan. Now the Ukrainians, on the other hand, you tell them they can’t smoke beside a lung cancer patient and they’ll tear your eyes out. It’s just logical to pay them to do our protesting, we’re lazy as the day is long.”

“Ah sure look it, you know I’d protest myself, but who has the time these days to protest Gardaí corruption, government cover ups, government sanctioned slave labour, the selling of negative equity mortgages to American investors and so on. Plus, these Ukrainian lads are dirt cheap,” shared Liam Gaffney, one of the citizens who first got in touch with the Ukrainian protesters.

The Gardaí remain on high alert as a source close to Gardaí headquarters revealed to WWN that Ukrainian citizens have already begun arriving in Dublin. The source admitted they face a new form of civil protest never before seen on the shores of the Republic.

“We understand that the first thing these Ukrainian protesters did was march to James Reilly’s house and murder him. It took two of them four minutes to eat him whole. Now just think about that. Two people…four minutes…James Reilly. We’ll have to call in the army”

While there has been no comment from the Government yet, insiders suggest they are ‘full on shitting themselves’.