Local Woman Could Have Been Killed Stone Dead

WATERFORD mother Helena McHarris has spent the better part of her day filling her family and friends in on the harrowing details of her morning, which the 58-year-old claims she was lucky to survive.

McHarris, well known in her locality for never exaggerating anything, held one hand on her chest as she told the story of how she nearly tripped while leaving her home this morning, a stumble which she insists nearly killed her dead, deader than a stone.

With nobody around to witness the stumble Mrs. McHarris nearly took, neighbours and family were forced to take the Waterford woman at her word that she could have been killed stone dead, and that she is in fact lucky to be alive.

“Oh, will I ever get over it” sighed Mrs. McHarris, who has added severity to the shock of her incident with every retelling of the story.

“I was just on my way out of the house when my foot caught the saddleboard, and oh! I nearly fell, out the door… sure I would have been killed stone dead! Did I tell you about it? Oh, I did, did I? Well hang on, go get your sister on the phone so I can tell her too. Killed stone dead! Get your aunt too”.

Although Mrs. McHarris is completely uninjured by the incident due to the fact that she didn’t actually fall at all, this story is set to become 2019’s most replayed news event in the McHarris house.