Guide To Being An Expert On Everything


HAVE you ever stumbled across a subject or area of debate that you weren’t an expert in and wished you could somehow crowbar your own opinions into the equation, but were too afraid to because you admittedly know a pitiful amount about said issue?

WWN’s team of inhouse experts on experts has drafted up this handy guide for you so you can bypass years of study, research, basic comprehension and experience to let you do just that:

First, you must suppress any humility which could see you say ‘I actually don’t know much about that’. Why let people presume you’re an idiot when you can just confirm instead, by verbally throwing your weight behind some opinions which took zero seconds to formulate?

Luckily for you, forming an opinion based on ignoring facts is the easy part, and it really takes little or no time to come up with a stance on a delicate topic that will be sure to bring you some attention, whether that be unwanted or otherwise.

You can dive empty-head-first into topics you don’t really know anything about whether you’re in the pub, at work, shouting at the TV or just on your phone glued to social media. NOTE: type in uppercase to replicate shouting loudly and aggressively.

Posting publicly on social media is scientifically proven to have no adverse effects on anyone, including yourself.

Can you be sued for defamation or slander just like a real journalist? Don’t concern yourself with nonsense like that. The world needs to know what you think of high-frequency trading in the US equity market, palliative care, Irish travellers ethnicity status, transgender issues, immigration, the Me Too movement, or even silly things like politics in countries you have no dealings with, just let it all out for the world to see.

It could not be more important to share the first thing that enters your mind immediately to a potential audience of billions. Your great-great-grandchildren will love you for it and will cherish your thoughts forever. Did you know that if you rage incoherently more than 10,000 times about something you then technically become an expert in that subject?

And it’s all free and saves on having to pay someone else money to destroy your reputation for you – it’s that simple.

Once you’ve put your views across, make sure to gently correct everyone else commenting on that same subject by interrupting them and telling them how wrong and stupid they are. This will go down a treat with those actually affected by whatever issue you chose to chime in on this week.