THE FOOTBALL Association of Ireland has formally announced Mick McCarthy as the senior men’s football team’s new manager, returning to a role he first occupied in 1996 until 2004.
Choosing the look backwards in a bid to move forwards, the FAI took the unprecedented step of bringing back other long defunct features from the era of McCarthy’s first stint in charge in a bid to help fans reacclimatise to a late 90s, early 00s way of doing things.
Taking the time to answer only the easy questions after a period of years of refusing to answer any, FAI head honcho John Delaney explained that the treasured memories many people have of that era could be reignited.
“We’ve really thought this appointment through, no stone left unturned over the 4 or so minutes we spent mulling over the future of football in this country. So we’re committed to football like it’s 1996. First things first anyone who wants a mortgage can have one, banks have agreed to not bother vetting anyone and you can celebrate with a shite pint of Guinness Breo,” explained an FAI spokesman, who was speaking instead of Delaney who is conserving his voice for when he has to talk to truly important people at an upcoming UEFA meeting.
Tamagotchis were then handed out to journalists, a reversion to Punts as our currency and fragile peace in the North was declared, and it was also confirmed Pierce Brosnan had agreed to be Bond again as part of the landmark FAI deal.
“Glenroe is back too, Britney is back dating Justin. God, this is going to great. That beautiful late 90s, early 00s period was a golden age of only good things happening and with Mick back we’re delighted to be responsible for bringing the good times back,” concluded the spokesman before urging everyone to buy shares in Anglo.
UPDATE: the FAI confirmed they have nothing to do with Boyzone getting back together and refuse to take any of the blame.