COUPLES who have decided to forego Catholic baptisms due to the fact they are agnostic/atheist or lapsed Catholics, and opt instead for similar ceremonies called ‘naming ceremonies’ have declared they are better than everyone else, WWN has learned.
‘Naming ceremonies’ see parents vowing to raise their children in a secular environment even though not baptising a child could see their primary and senior school choices affected.
“We were paralysed by the fear that we might not be giving our child the best chance in life, however we had a naming ceremony and upheld our core values as people instead of giving into a corrupt and negative organisation like the Church like you did you cowards,” one smug Waterford couple, the O’Neills, told WWN.
While the so-called ‘baptism barrier’ is to be formally lifted by the State, the Church has yet to reveal how it plans to get around such decisions, prompting many non-Catholic parents to continue the tradition of baptising their child just to be safe.
The O’Neills ability to just ignore social pressures and choose not to baptise their child has been heavily criticised by those parents who did give in and therefore can’t act all smug about it.
“Just look at them, they’re so, so up themselves. Think they’re too good to pretend to believe in this shit like the rest of us just so we get our kid a place in school. Like, could they not just pretend their child was born with sin and will be punished by going to hell if it doesn’t get splashed with water like the rest of us?” explained irate parent and baptiser of a child just for a guaranteed place in school, David Fleming.
Despite protests from the likes of Fleming interest in naming ceremonies has increased by 455% as people discover they are significantly shorter than your average mass, and you can play your own tunes.