“What Selection Of Gins Have You Got?” Absolute Battleaxe Asks Barman

BAR staff in Dun Laoghaire are on high alert this evening following news that local battleaxe, Angela Reynolds, is out with her golfing buddies again for a couple of post-round drinks.

Reynolds, who lives in one of those nice houses on the seafront, is notorious for her gin snobbery, regularly cocking her nose up at the sound of common brands of the juniper based alcoholic drink.

“Gordon’s! Are you having me on?” she spewed, after an inexperienced barman pointed to a yellow labeled bottle on the shelf, “is Cathal here?” now referring to the owner of the bar, who she has never formally met, “surely you must have Tanqueray, or even Bombay?

“Jesus Christ, can you not check the store?”

Finally settling for London based gin, Beefeater, the daughter-of-two pointed out that her schweppes tonic seemed a little flat and had a rusty residue around the rim, blatantly ignoring the 5 strong customer queue now hovering impatiently around her.

“So, how much is that?” she then barked, holding a fifty euro note in her hand, but not giving it to the barman until he went all the way back to the till to clock up the bill, “oh! hold on a minute, I forgot to order a Guinness as well,” now blissfully unaware that she probably should have ordered that first due to its slow pour, “could you drop them over for me too”.

Carefully ignoring the barman’s best efforts as he dropped down the drinks, and her change in front of her, Angela Reynolds once again successfully avoided paying any tip, before turning to him for one last thing.

“Could you drop us down some bar mats too, good lad,” the absolute battleaxe finished.