WWN Guide To Parking Your Campervan Wherever The Fuck You Want

WITH the Summer season in full swing and Ireland in the grips of a mini heat wave, thousands of people in campervans are already making their way to some of Ireland’s best known seaside resorts. But with the large volumes of traffic, where does one park such a monstrosity? Wherever the fuck one pleases:

Seaside promenades are probably the best location to park up for a few weeks/months. Make sure to get there late at night or early in the morning to secure the best parking space. And when we say space, we mean 3 or 4 car spaces, as you will need to park the camper lengthways across these puny lots. Once located, lash out all your dinner table shite and chairs outside, let people know you’re here for a long time. Let those parking fines build up, it’s still less expensive than staying in a B&B, you cheap bastard.

Picnic areas are great if you plan on staying for more than a month. Picnic areas have bins that are regularly emptied by council workers. Dump nappies, empty chip cartons, engine oil, whatever the fuck you want in the bins. You’re only giving someone a job to do. They’ll thank you for it.

Campervans are not cars, they’re mobile homes that give you the right to live anywhere. For short stints, roundabouts are ideal for families on the go. Tie your dog to the road signs, let them graze on the grass, or whatever it is those animals do. The kids will have hours of fun waving at the traffic. Yellow reg no return.

In some areas, clamping can be an issue, but not if you buy four wheel clamps and clamp the tires yourself. Voila, no one can clamp an already clamped wheel. Fuck you council.

Some beach bylaws have already banned overnight parking and there are also areas with time restrictions, but not to worry, most campervans have their own cloaking device which is located in the exact same place as the hazard lights. Just hit this magical button when a Guard or a traffic warden approaches. Once engaged, your campervan is completely invisible to anyone wearing a uniform.